A Thought From The Shower

Since my first broken bone I've always wondered the necessity of acute pain.  It has always seemed to me acute pain is a waste of resources and energy.  Yes we need to be told that something is amiss with our bodies but at some point enough is enough and anymore serves no purpose. 

Now, with my disease, barring some out of the statistical realm of possibilities that we hope for on a daily basis, there is probably a point in my future that will include some sort of acute pain.  Obviously this  gives me pause and causes me to  give no little thought to the subject such pain.

Standing in the shower the other day, a place where I at times do my best thinking, I was wondering why the Gods thought that "suffering" pain was such a good idea.  Particularly for those that are chronically ill.  Does that suffering really serve any purpose?   Does it make those that are ill stronger while their body beats them down?  “That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”  Really?    

So, I stood there with steaming water cascading down my right side and my left side leaning against the cold tile and the light of epiphany seemingly started to come on until it was finally fully aglow. 

Suffering of the chronically ill makes all the sense in the world to me and it does in fact serve a purpose.  Amazingly with that thought  seventy five pounds seemingly, instantly shed from my shoulders. 

Whether you agree with my showery epiphany or not apparently depends on your perspective.  How close you are to the one who will suffer and how much you will suffer along with them.  I discussed this with a friend of mine and she agreed whole hardheartedly but of course she won't and doesn't have to watch me each and every day.  I discussed with the person who will thankfully  be there each and every day and she was in complete disagreement.  Discussed with a deeply devout acquaintance and they put a decidedly religious rationale on my epiphany.

So…

Imagine [some of you don’t have to imagine]  loving someone who has been a part of your life.  Suddenly they weren't there.  They were just gone.  Poof.  You will never see them again.  Poof.  You don't even have the comfort of believing they are unknowingly alive and well somewhere else on the planet.  Nope they are undeniably, confirmed totally not part of this world any longer.  Gone!

Whoa!  Were you prepared for that?  Can you imagine the hole in your life?  In your soul?  Could you recover?  Even if you could how long would it take?  No preparation, no warning what so ever.  A universe built that way seems and is often absurdly cruel.  Even at my worst woe is me moments my mind reels at that level of galactic cruelty.

Now imagine that same person.  Two months, two, three years whatever time frame other than sudden.  See where I'm going?  Of course if you care, of course if you love them you too will suffer as your loved one does.  But that person is suffering, hanging on beyond hanging on to help those he or she loves come to grips with he or she not being around.  That decline over time prepares those left for the spot that is left empty. 

I'm not saying that makes one a hero or martyr for hanging on for as long as they can. But  I'm guessing this is why God created this kind of suffering…solely to help those that remain behind.  To make that hole not quite so large as perhaps would be left with a sudden absence.

Perhaps that is what we mean when we make comments like.  "Such a great attitude", "So selfless", "Such courage every day"….etc.  We are just describing a person whose only reason they can give to their own "suffereing" is that they are helping the ones they love most into the future.

Like I said, just a thought I had in the shower.

Talk to you later.