KARMA

Karma.  Is that word even in today’s vocabulary?  Perhaps I’m dating myself using the word but I was and am a firm believer in Karma or whatever word you want to use for what goes around comes around.

Karma swings both ways.  Karma can leave you standing in the middle of the dirt road crushed and bewildered wondering what just happened.  Karma can make you silently scream in the middle of the night "why?"  Karma can make you introspective and wonder what did I do to deserve insert word here? Hell, Karma can be bad mouthing your dishwasher and the next day all your appliances decide to rebel.  Karma is also the five dollar bill you find in the parking lot because earlier you held the door open for the lady who didn’t even say thank you.  Karma is the grocery store checker running after you to give you your change because months ago you told a different checker that she had given you too much change.  Karma is the balance of the universe.  Somebody even wrote a song about Karma that was instant and going to get you.

I have experienced both the reward and penalty of Karma.  In fact I believe that a facet of my illness can be directly attributed to Karma. 

As a young man I would hear women complain, both in real life and on television, about hot flashes.  On T.V. women like Betty White would even make jokes about hot flashes.  I always thought “hot flashes seriously?  You need to get over it.”  Not a whole lot of sympathy from me when it came to the mystical hot flash.  Hot flashes seemed like an excuse to me to not do something; drama to get attention; affliction of the mind certainly not a physical discomfort.  My less than sympathetic attitude years down the road would gain me Karmanic retribution.

Prostate cancer loves testosterone.  Testosterone is the high octane fertilizer of prostate cancer.  One of the treatments for the disease is to get rid of the testosterone.  In the old days they, doctors, would do this the same way you would your dog only in a hospital and not a veterinarian.  As you can well imagine this technique didn’t and doesn’t really sit well with the patient and marketing the procedure was  brutally tough. 

Today, they do it chemically but still call it basically by the same name.  In fact Prostate Cancer can and generally does eventually become what the medical profession terms Castrate Resistant.   

The particular drug they give me is called Zolodex [depending on your insurance there are others that are administered differently].  Every three months I go in to one of my oncologists for check up, infusion and implant.  The very kind nurse gives me some Lidocaine in the insertion area and once comfortably numb she takes a needle about the size of a railroad spike and implants a pencil lead diameter piece of Zolodex in the fatty tissue of my belly.  Scary the first time, but no biggy thereafter. 

This drug removes the ability to produce testosterone.  Removing a man’s testosterone has a number of predictable “manly” side effects.  You can guess what those side effects may be or look them up.  I suspect your guess will be correct but if you’re a man going through this there are non obvious side effects you may want to know about.

One of the side effects that varies from man to man is hot flashes.  In my case I have hot flashes that drench the bedding to the point my wife offers to change the bedding sometimes twice a night.  I have some sort of hot flash every night and can only recall since treatment started one night where I did not have a hot flash. 

I’ve had shirt drenching hot flashes during business meetings causing everyone to scream “Oh my god he’s got Ebola” as they run out of the conference room while I shout “no no I’m not contagious”.   

I have discovered that hot flashes are very real.  Hot flashes are miserable.  Hot flashes are neither of the mind nor a ploy to get out of something.  I own multiple zip up hoodies because you go from melting to minutes later freezing thanks to hot flashes.  Zipper up zipper down.  Zipper up zipper down.

I know there are men with this disease that suffer minimal hot flashes due to the hormonal treatment.  I know there are men whose days are seemingly a continuous hot flash.  I know I’ll never again begrudge a woman having a hot flash.  Instead I’ll ask her if I can do anything to help. 

In my case I’m pretty sure Karma is serving its just and wet retribution.  Betty, if you can hear me, I take it all back.  Joke all you want.

Talk to you later.