Cancer, Looking Back With Regret

We are all born knowing ultimately we will move on from this life.  Conveniently we tuck that thought into our "it's a long way until tomorrow" drawer of denial.  Then we attack our futures armored in hope hoping we can mold the world into our own reality.

From our very get go we move into I can't wait mode.  I can't wait until I'm thirteen.  I can't wait until I can drive, get laid and graduate.  I can't wait until I'm twenty one.  I can't wait for that corner office.  I can't wait until I retire.  I can't wait.  I can't wait.

Suddenly, one day, we wake up from a nap only to discover we've ridden life to what we hope was the best of our ability. Looking less intently to the shortening days to come we look back over our memories with increasing frequency.  My diagnosis naturally started to make me wonder about past mistakes, opportunities missed, and regrets.  Let's not forget life decisions foolishly wasted and more regret.

Regret!  Geez there's a bucket of guilt.  I believe there are few regrets in a persons life time.  A regret isn't a "wish I wouldn't have."  Regret changes your life 180 degrees.  Flips life flip flop. Regret isn't "I wish I had of done that."  Or.  "I should have bet on blue."  Regret is shouldered when one makes a completely life altering decision and wishes otherwise.

Using the above thought or what some of you will call rationalization do you really, as you look backward, have as many regrets as you think?  I thought not.  Sure you should have said your sorry that time and you feel bad that you didn't.   You feel bad because on the Blackjack table you were hundreds ahead but when the sun looked West for the first time since you sat down you found yourself a thousand down.  Yep, you feel bad.  Wished you knew when to call it quits.  Should have, would have, could have.

Don't let the "should haves" in your life be regrets.  They are just "should haves" that nudged you one way or the other on your life's path.  Examine the "should haves" and if one or two of them weren't totally life altering I bet you come up with damn few regrets.  I should have had a V8 is not a regret!

I myself thought I had a ton of regrets. I have a whole bunch of "should haves" but only one regret.  

Talk to you later.