Thursday, January 2, 2014

Looking Forward To Cancer I Wish I Knew

The other morning I awoke laying on my right side which means I was staring at the tall trees outside our westward facing window.  Bizarrely my heart rate was accelerated and the blood in my veins was/were boiling  Oh no, don't think I was raling [wordsmiths it's a word] against the Effing Evil Empire.  No, what was pissing me off was Norm  Vice-Principal of the high school I attended forty years ago.

You see one day while my best friend and I were out having a smoke, a habit my friend quit and one I unfortunately kept for kept for years, Norm in all his sanctimonious prickness came marching up to our location.  It seems Norm, took exception to my friend  smoking while wearing a letter man's jacket.  An ultimatum was issued.  Drop the smoke or surrender the letter man's jacket.  NOW!  God what a dick.  My B.P. is up again just writing this.

Norm seemed to have forgotten that my friend had personally paid for the jacket not just monetarily but with sweat and dedication to the tyrants, uhm, I mean coaches of the era.

Wait!  Why the hell would I wake up aggravated by something so stupid from so many years ago?  After all I'm pretty sure I've more pressing matters.  First thought that comes to mind is a lyric, Rod Stewart I believe, "I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger."  Man I really would have kicked ass.  No I wouldn't.  I lived ten foot tall and bullet proof.  I would never have believed what I know now.

After that ridiculous morning awakening I've thought a lot about why I look backwards so much lately.  I've decided it's because being terminally ill looking forward kind of sucks.  If I and my Care Giver can't fight myself to wellness there will be tomorrows that are worse than today. Hell even when we kick the Empire's ass there will be really bad times.

But...I've made a decision today.  Every day in my future, your's too no matter how shitty you feel, will have a good thing happen at least once.  A thing that you may make happen.  A thing that maybe someone you don't even know may make happen to you. 

I'm going to look forward...certainly not back to Vice Principal Norm.  

Talk to you later.





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