It's Just Underwear

It’s the first day of a new year and I suppose someone in my position should pen inspirational, motivational, and revelations learned in the past twelve months.  I could and some might say should because I have been inspired, motivated and learned much on this now almost 29 month journey.  So I’ve just convinced myself that I will pen such a…Nah.

As you may or may not remember my new not able to drive a car affliction is my inability to, well now, feel anything below most of my waist and if there is feeling it would be called numb.  As you can imagine this poses some interesting dilemmas other than just not being able to feel the brake pedal of my truck.  One of these dilemmas is underwear.

Yes underwear.  I have more than once tried to put on an additional pair of underwear in the morning.  Solely due to my inability to fully feel if I’ve already donned a pair previously I’ve caught myself with second pair in hand, and then, checking the bedroom for cameras and witnesses put the second pair back in the drawer.

I will freely admit I am one of those heathens that will wear the same pair of jeans for days in a row.  The true issue over years and years of heathenism are the objects that sometimes get stuck in the leg of the jeans only to be discovered the next morning.  In my experience the “stuckage” are usually dryer sheets, previous day’s underwear and, on the odd occasion, woman’s under garments.

Normally, while aiming the jeans at my legs, this “stuckage” would slide down the encapsulating jean leg and onto the floor.  Sometimes, while buttoning my jeans, the “stuckage” would become an annoying bulge pressing against my right or left calf.  This would cause the additional morning annoyance of unbuttoning and reaching down the leg to fish out the offending “stuckage”.

All instances annoying but manageable as long as I could feel my legs.  But now?  Heck, remember, I have to be very aware not to put on a second pair of underwear.

My wife gives me a ride to the train platform and picks me up.  The morning trip this time of year is in the dark and the departure is a whirlwind because it is very early morning and I’m addictged to the snooze button.  Out the door I go, she’s generally got the truck started and ready to go, cane in one hand my bowl of yogurt mixed with granola and agave in the other.

Backing down the drive way my wife says “What’s that?”

I glanced up from buckling my seat belt in time to see the headlights paint a dark morning object laying tin the middle of our driveway.  An object that was definitely alien to the driveway.

“Dunno, gonna miss the train.”  I mumbled.

A half hour later as the Green rattled closer to my station I received a text from my wife that caused me to feel inside the waist band of my jeans.

The text:  You left your underwear in the driveway.

Happy New Year and if you do something stupid…just laugh.  It’s just underwear.