Lack of Participation

I’ve always been a firm believer in participating in life.  Some partial things on my life list of participation include everything from climbing rocks and ice, bull riding, driving cars stupidly, loving, and a whole bunch of other stuff both normal and scary.  Hasn’t included the last two months that I’ve been hiding in the woe is me hole.

Pain, sickness and stress can easily impede participation.  My guess is that’s why they make Zoloft, which I take.  It is true, all those stresses, pain and whatever, can sneak up on you and tamp your “gee I’m happy” right down into that “crap everything sucks” hole.

Treatments, oncologists, nurses, techs, and the list goes on and on.  They are all part of the most incredible cancer team that takes care of me.  My caregiver/wife and best friend I can’t ask for more.  They all make this easier to participate.   I do wish insurance and investment companies would quit playing music from the seventies though.

A few weeks ago I went with my family over to the park.  They played baseball and my “participation” was to stand around and take pictures.  Which I did until laughing, giggling like a kid and ignoring my wife’s admonitions, I pitched and batted.  OK it was a nine year old and two four year old twins but I played and I fell down.  I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I participated and when it was all said and done I was happily admonished by wife for being foolish. 

I had participated in life, was active and laughed.  The last time I’d done that was when I went to the cabin last August.  I fell down there too but it was an incredible time of my life.

It’s tough to be part of life when you feel like crap.  That includes simple things like writing a blog.  It certainly includes being active.  I think I’ve climbed out of my hole and I thank the reader who posted the other day about simple things and hoped I was well and found more simple things.

Oh, by the way, I was admonished when I came back from the cabin last August because I was limping similar to the most recent “baseball” game.

I know it’s tough when it feels like the world is kicking your ass.  Typing this blog tonight I once again don’t feel like the world is kicking my ass quite so hard.

I’ll talk to you.