Trouble and Afraid

Thirteen or Thirty years of age I’m guessing that at some time you have been in so much trouble it scared you to no end.   

I’ve spent a large portion of my life courting trouble, bulls, ice, mountains and stupidity.  In each of those situations I’ve been scared, or at least terrified.

While on the annual vacation centuries ago I convinced my brother to piss on an electric fence.  Upon my father’s arrival I knew I was in trouble and I was afraid.  Afraid because I knew I was in trouble.

Years later on the same annual island vacation I really got in trouble that resulted in fear.  I had discovered while roaming about in the bay if I turned the raft over there was this really cool breathing space. My father roared that I was in trouble to the point that I was scared.  I’d never seen him so upset. 

My two children that have graduated our house years ago have taught me why a father looking at an over turned vessel containing his child would freak out.

Same island different year a friend of mine and myself doing the 70s thing hitched to the island.  We ended up walking a ways and looking across the tidal flat from the dike toward our ultimate destination I said “lets cross here it will save us miles”.  Result…?

Trouble, quicksand, tidal mud and incoming tide and terrified beyond belief. Through the muck and fecund smell we struggled with every thought in mind we would die soon. 

As I grew older I had many an occurrence to be in trouble.  Whether, mountains, ice, bulls or as I mentioned stupidity I’ve been in trouble.

I’m in trouble now [as of 7:28 P.M. PST]    I’m hoping a miracle happens.  But this kind of trouble you really aren’t afraid.  Sure I’m afraid of pain.  Sure I’m so totally afraid for my loved ones.  

 But I didn’t put myself in this position life did.  That’s the difference. 

A climb, a bull or whatever we put ourselves in front of that trouble.  I believe you are afraid in those situations because you did it on purpose and a small cell in your brain is saying “how could I be so stupid.”

I didn’t do this disease on purpose.  Then why am I afraid.