Real Time

Today I received a reply from a friend of mine of many years whom I love dearly to an email asking how her Mother's Day was.   I've known her for decades but as the fates would have it   she became my "cancer buddy" when she was diagnosed with breast cancer about the same time I was diagnosed my stage IV evil empire. All looks great for her but she is going through the frustrations, depression and worry that go with fighting the evil empire that we all do.  She being my "buddy" has frequently kicked me back into the positive as I have her.  

Today, her reply to "how was your Mother's Day?" was, "My kids think I'll live forever..."   

In an attempt to kick her back into the positive I wrote via e-mail:

WTF is “The kids think I'll live forever....”  What the hell does that mean?  Should I get my frecking violin out?

They don’t think that but they want that.  What would you have them do, hold a wake for you while you sit there smiling?  I may be missing something but that sure doesn’t sound like a very positive statement.  AND it really really doesn’t sound like a [name] statement.    Don’t forget I totally am in the same boat you are and Mr. Positive is not my name a lot of the time.   

Believe me I know how brutally tough, tiring, frustrating – god I don’t have enough space to write all the words – this frecking cancer thing is.  But this is new to them too and just as scary but in a different way.  If I’m off base here or read your statement wrong by all means kick my ass but right now I’m kicking yours my dear. 

Even if, as a parent, if you weren’t sick, all children think their parents are larger than life [for good or bad] and will live forever [whether they want them to or not].  Then one day we as children look up and see these two frail people and say, what the hell they are old!  

Your kids and mine don’t realize it but they are afraid that they won’t get to have that day of realization.  They are afraid that if they need us in their, as they define the future - immediate [though on the surface they think they won’t and don’t] we won’t be there.

Though my future scares the hell out of me I move on leaving those I love.  Those I love on the other hand have to stay behind with a large empty space that is hopefully partially filled with happy memories and lessons learned.

Sorry I kind of went off there but dammit your future is to live to a ripe old age of raisondom, prunedom or any other wrinkledom…that’s what your children are calling living forever. 

Love ya'

[name]

 So went my email reply.  Defense comes in many ways and perhaps "Dad I gotta run the boys and I have a tee time." is one of them.

talk to you later